Periods.

Periods. What follows are musings about my period from my journals over the last two years. Every one of those sentences was written word for word in one of three journals. Why am I sharing this? I hope wāhine read and nod. We are not created to have one consistent positive mood. That ain’t going to happen. I am trying to honour my low spoons days, maybe I chose to do less. Our periods are not the only reason why our moods groove around but a biggy. Lets not be angry with our period but lets not blame ourselves either. The period is not wrong, this is life honeys. Let’s grow empathy for ourselves and each other. When I ask how you are, share as you wish, however groovy.

Also isolating helped me write it up.

Also I have an affinity for dramatic writing. My disclosure.

Winter.

I want to sleep off life and wake up happy again. I slept 11 hours last night. When I can’t be bothered to read, you know something is up. I just want to curve into a ball and wait for time to pass. With blankets. Cat vibes. Also yes Rene did just pour me a glass of wine.

The pain ripples through your body, leaving you cold. I’m in disbelief it feels this way while obviously expecting it as it happens every 28 days.

Dripping with insecurities. Everything not said is a chance for my self doubt to fill in the blanks.

My thoughts are like the grey water, curdling on the top, stanky, overflowing.

Grey. A shade. I feel like I stick out so obviously grey in a world of colour.

I’m so grey and heavy and dark. I feel guilty. That guilt makes me feel more sad. Glad Rene finally got tears out of me.

Stay positive. Stay positive. Stay positive. It’s just yourself getting in the way of you enjoying the day.

Why am I so goddamn terrible at putting my moon cup in!!??

I didn’t really like myself this weekend.

I don’t know what to do with time. I don’t want to do any of the things I want to do. The sun is trying her best to help.

Rant rant rant. Also my period so that doesn’t help.

Summer. The post period awakening.

With a good meal the period sass lifts like a monthly curse.

Have I been asleep for five days? I would rather be awake today than stay in bed. Progress. What’s been happening? Friends, be free at a moment’s notice because I’m awake now. Cooking is worth it for eating. Tea is a delightful treat not an absentminded ritual. We’re back. I love me, I see that now.

Woke up with the feeling of abundance, in time, love and play. It’s a good feeling.

Grateful for this. Grateful for this. We got this.

The period party in my pants is over, feeling more myself.

Feeling peaceful about the now. I’m in the groove. My mind isn’t full.

Life really is simple. As it is.

I want to be a bird. I feel free.

Bar Rene’s farts, kei te pai au.

Well isn’t life just a bundle of goodness.

//

Lucky it’s only one week hey. Cheers to the other three and Rene for putting up with me. Might seem dramatic but tis real. Ronan Keating was right, (life is a roller coaster).

“If we can have our own bodies grounded in pleasure and acceptance, oh my dear, there’s nothing we can’t achieve.” — Sonya Renee Taylor, My body is not an apology